-Dan
Today, I watched the Mel Gibson tour de force The Patriot and Guillermo del Toro's classic Hellboy.
-Dan
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Dan here, and my journey through my Blu Ray collection has begun with this mornings screening of Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. Enjoyable enough. I may watch another through the course of the day, but probably not. I will, in the future, watch multiple movies during the day so as to make this trek last less as many days, but probably not today. Anyway, one film down. This will be much easier to stomach than Shitty Movie Fridays.
Well.
As I head into Week 10 of the beginner's schedule for DDP Yoga, I can say one thing without hesitation: FUCK YOU, Red Hot Core! All kidding aside, I feel great. Better than ever. I'm completely happy with the results so far, and am really excited to share my pics and measurements when the time comes. We'll be doing a new podcast shortly with a bunch of DDP Yoga updates. STAY TUNED! -EC Just finished reading the following article:
http://www.WrestlingInc.com/wi/news/2014/1116/584941/more-on-spike-tv-not-wanting-tna-impact-wrestling/ My two cents? Let's just drive these last few nails into the coffin that TNA built for themselves, and be done with it already. Have you ever watched World's Dumbest... with a young person and had to explain how bright the future looked for Danny Bonaduce/Todd Bridges/Lief Garrett/Tonya Harding, and then how they all subsequently squandered everything they had going for them simply by making horrible, life-altering decisions? TNA is the Tonya Harding of wrestling companies. And I fucking HATE Tonya Harding. -EC Because of personal unforeseen circumstances, I will not be doing a shitty movie this week. For those who may have been wondering, this weeks title was to be Scooby Doo! Wrestlemania Mystery. An animated feature starring numerous stars of the WWE. Don't be too disappointed however, this film will surely one day make it to these hallowed pages. Maybe even this month, you never know!
Anyway, I thought I would take this opportunity to make a few announcements. 1) Action Tuesday/Horror Thursday will start next week. It was suposed to start this week, but birthday celebrations mixed with a fancy internet streaming service fiasco forced us to put it off. So be on the lookout for that next week. 2) Recently, I was forced to go through my collection of movies on the blu ray format. Obtaining them through numerous means has made a lot of them sit, unwatched for a long time. So, starting Monday, I will be watching through all 59 of them, excluding ones like television series (Breaking Bad, Planet Earth) and ones that I have watched recently (Burn After Reading, Zombieland, Prometheus). I'm not going to be reviewing any of these, but I will try to keep you informed on a daily basis, as I will watch at least one a day. I'm positive it will be much less stress than the once a week entries for Shitty Movie Fridays. So anyway, I just felt it would be a good idea to keep you abreast of what is going on here within the hallowed halls of the Quantum Flux Empire. So, until next time! -Dan Our movie this week was 3 Ninjas: High Noon on Mega Mountain.
Basic points: 1: Not only can Hulk Hogan not act, but he spends 90% of his screen time tied up or being knocked out. And during the remaining time, he is skulking around, hiding, or dressing like a bunny. 2: Hackers bring their computer equipment along with them wherever they go. Even on day trips to theme parks. 3: While looking relatively awesome while flipping around, ninja’s have awful hair cuts (I’m looking at you Colt) 4: Loni Anderson, while still better than Hulk Hogan, is an awful actor. Jim Varney, on the other hand is workable. 5: It was an awful movie. Not uncatchable like the attempt to rip it off named Pocket Ninjas, but it was still pretty bad. Dumb. It was dumb. In the end, I do not recommend this movie. Jesus, why did I start this gimmick? Next time, hopefully the movie will be better... -Dan With dog movie month over, I am sure you are sitting on the edge of your seats wanting to find out what the theme for November will be. Well wait no longer. Well, a little longer, as you have to be reading all this...
Anyway, I now reveal to you the theme for this month. Ready? The theme for November will be... Movies starring pro wrestlers! Yea, I'm going there. After several weeks, Kaitlyn managed to attain the necessary power gems to resurrect me. Death was a strange place. A flowing river of lights and pebbles, solely set up to mesmerize me through the eternity of the afterlife. It was stunning, really. A place one would be more than willing to spend forever. A place that one would never wish to return from.
But here I am. Once again among the living. Heart beating. Breathing. Ready to once again take up the mantle of movie reviewer. Forced out of the serenity of eternal bliss to watch a piss poor excuse for a film, masquerading as a piece with artistic merit starring none other than a dog that really has not had a place in Hollywood since Air-Bud. And believe me, the arguments against that statement are pretty much all valid. This weeks movie was the shit-ball masterpiece Step-Dogs. Directed by Geoff Anderson, “known” for his visual effects work on Stargate: Atlantis, and starring Dylan Schmid and Eliana Jones, two actors known for their work on Once Upon a Time and Hemlock Grove, Step Dogs is a movie about a pampered Hollywood pooch moving away from the big city and living with a wise cracking farm dog. I assume the next few hours are spent in wacky fish out of water situations. I say I assume because my rage at having to watch ANOTHER low budget movie about dogs got the best of me and forced me to turn it off. Not wanting to leave my vast audience with nothing to read, I decided to alter course. I was to stick with the dog theme, but I decided to go with something a bit shorter. I opted for an episode of a television series that would showcase a dog. The Dick Van Dyke Show was a television comedy from the 1960s. It featured its star Dick Van Dyke getting into plenty of wacky situations that have become commonplace in our modern sit-coms. The show was also the starting point for another three named comedy legend by the name of Mary Tyler Moore. By the time season 5 came about, the Dick Van Dyke Show finally was emBARKing onto the lesser trod path of an episode that revolved around our favorite canine animal, the dog. Season 5 episode 4 was entitled The Ugliest Dog in the World. The episode revolved around the fictional show within the show deciding to do an episode about a dog. After the first break, we are introduced to the dog in question. The cast spends several minutes commenting on how ugly the dog is. It wasn’t. It was a cute dog that looked all to happy to sit there and take the verbal beating it was being given. Anyway, it saddens me that in the 49 years since the shows original airing the dog is all but guaranteed to have passed. The berating of the dog turned me off to the show that after around 5 minutes, I was forced to call it quits and simply stop watching it. Still feeling bad at the idea of leaving my plethora of fans begging for something worth while, I decided on something else. Wanting to stick with dogs, and now loving the idea of not having to watch a full length feature, I decided on the episode of Full House where Comet runs away. After several minutes with this in mind, I realized that I do not have that specific episode of Full House readily available. Not wanting to spend money or do anything illegal, I was forced to move on and figure something else out. Naturally, I turned to another classic 1990's television series. Saved by the Bell was an insanely popular television show in the 1990's. Everyone that I knew was a huge fan of the show. Personally, I found it to be stupid. I was not giving myself a pass this week, as it may seem. I cut my watch time down by two thirds, but it would be one third of a show that I have always found to be unbearable. The particular episode i was to watch was the season 2 classic, House Party. Screeches mother was leaving town for the weekend leaving just Screech in charge of the house. Being friends with one Zack Morris, screech found himself throwing a titular House Party. As time goes by, Screech ends up losing his dog Hound Dog in a hand of poker. Through a series of wacky events, Zack and Slater talk Jessie Spanno into going on a date with the dork that won Screeches dog as a way to get the dog back for Screech. Thats right, the dog part of my dog TV show this week revolved around Elizibeth Berkely whoring herself out taking a dog as payment. Classy. Watching the show, I found that my younger assessment of finding the show hard to watch was right on the money. The only real entertainment I got out of it was watching the wardrobes of the cast and extras and how utterly ridiculous the style of the early 90s was. Zack constantly tucked his t-shirts into his jeans, Slater like to wear tank tops with dress pants, and in an especially hilarious moment of WTF wardrobery, an extra was dancing horrendously while wearing a set of neon pink coveralls with the sleeves cut off. Honestly, I can see myself watching more of this show, if only to mock the style of my youth. DOG MONTH IS OVER! Stay tuned. Next month’s theme will be revealed before this coming Friday. See ya, space cowboy... -Dan The greatest time of year has come to 2014! And did you think we here at Quantum Flux would be above it? Did you think we were too good for costumes and candy? WELL YOU'RE FUCKING WRONG! Host Daniel Creeden as Kevin Smith And Host Erik Creamer as the Titty Master himself, Dean Ambrose.
Hello, friends. Once again, it is I, Kaitlyn. On my journey to collect the seven Power Gems, I took the time to visit the kindly old wizard, as you know from our last meeting. He was kind enough to not only let me stay the night, but also allow me to watch this weeks movie in his cottage. With his powerful whit magic, he crated a projection of this weeks movie. And now, I present to you, Top Dog. The movie starts with a kid and some old guy buying some donuts. At least, I’d assume it was donuts. The old man does take out a jelly doughnut and gives it to the dog, but you never see the rest of the donuts, so did he just buy a single doughnut to give to the dog? I guess so. Afterwards the man gets into his police car, which is just his normal car with some police lights in the window, and the dog follows after. The man drives off to whatever crime he has to solve this week, which will surely be kindhearted and wacky. He arrives at the scene of where white supremacists had blown up a building with three bombs, which for some reason left the building just a tad bit on fire. Some other stuff happens, and then Chuck Norris gets paired up with the dog to be crime fighting machines against the white supremacists... Oh yeah, and the old dude dies and the kid did some stuff I think. There was then a fight with some clowns. Please don’t ask me why, I don’t know. No one knows. I’m depressed. I’m not talking about his movie anymore. Goodbye. *EDITORS NOTE*In lieu of more detail for this horrendous pile of dog shit, I present you with this fight scene. |
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